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May 17, 2011 • Page 9
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Home Country
The Disappearance of Doodles
It all began when old
man Ortega’s rooster
disappeared. He reported it to the police, of
course, who thought this
neighborhood
alarm
clock ?nally met with a
dissatis?ed customer
and was now cradled in
dumplings.
The police said as
much to Ortega, and the
old man wanted to know
what the police were going to do about it. Well,
since it had been almost
a week since they’d had
a complaint come in, the
chief sent young Glen
around the neighborhood asking chicken
1605
questions. Everyone denied ending ol’ Doodle’s
career … when they ?nished laughing … and a
cursory exam of yards
and garbage cans failed
to turn up brown or red
feathers. The preliminary poultry purloinment pursuit then
ended with a cursory report ?led down at the
cop shop, with old man
Ortega getting a copy of
it.
Ortega had his suspicions, of course. There
was one neighbor lady
who had once complained about the rooster to Ortega, and he
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had defended to her
very face his rooster’s
right to crow. She then
asked if he couldn’t get
ol’ Doodles operated on,
like they do to dogs, and
get his doodler clipped
so he’d be singing
blanks, as it were.
Ortega hotly replied
that anyone who would
deliberately deface an
American rooster would
steal sheep. Later on,
he apologized to her for
blowing off steam, told
her he really didn’t
think of her as a sheep
thief, and offered to buy
her some ear plugs that
they sell out at the
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Rent
shooting range. She
passed on the ear plug
offer, but poured him a
cup of coffee and that
seemed to be that.
But still, ol’ Doodles
was gone, and there was
no denying that. If he
had simply escaped and
was still in town, we’d
have heard him somewhere, so that was ruled
out.
We ?nally put two
and two together when
another
neighbor
caught a coyote going
over the fence with one
of his hens, but we always wondered about
that doodler-snipping
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June
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